Remembering the beginning

I finally brought home the box of notes and momentos from my parents house. The box was filled with notes and things from high school and college. I threw away anything irrelivent, but kept everything else. I have been reading the notes each night before bed. Even as a sophomore in high school he loved me. The notes have not made me sad at all. They have only made me smile. I was loved by a man with all his heart. I'm a lucky lady. I wonder if there will be another man that can love me half as much as Brian. He was such a romantic even then. He said silly things like: I love you more than infinity +2. There were more, but I forget them. I'll be sure to read them again tonight. Brian was a wonderful man who loved me and the girls with all his heart. Why did it take me until his death to dig out the old notes? I'm glad I have them though. I can now show my girls how much he cared for me. I want them to know they came from loving parents. I hope they can remember.

I've hung out with Brian's best friend and his fiance for the past two days while the girls have been at grief camp. We spent last night talking about Brian and how the girls will be dating before we know it. Some how I got all teary eyed after Ryan mentioned always being there for me and my girls. Through my tears I said I was counting on it. I want the girls to have a male influence in their life. I'm so afraid they are going to go looking for it as teens in the form of a boy looking for something other than real friendship. I myself remember doing this as a teen. My dad wasn't around much at that time, but I needed some attention. I was lucky to have had a pretty good head on my shoulders though. All I can hope is that I give my girls the tools to deal with all of life's challenges.

I go pick up the girls tomorrow from camp. I really have missed them, though I have had a lot of fun. I haven't gotten anything done that I was supposed to. Oops. I half expect the girls to be "cured" tomorrow and resilient, but know they won't be. I'm hoping this weekend will have done them some good. I'm guessing that they won't talk too much about it, but I'm hoping they will.