Ok, let me tell you how happy I am that I didn't have to date as a teenager. This is much more difficult as an adult. I now know people hate the dating game. There are no set rules. What you do defines everything. One simple mistake and you break the deal. If you call to much, then you're clingy. If you don't call, it means you aren't interested. But it may actually be that the person is actually busy and doesn't have time to talk. Then there's the non-exclusive rule. You can be talking to a guy, but it's still ok to see other people. And apparently I just learned that you can't ask about the "date" he's been on, even if I don't care. Isn't that like asking how your night was? Ok, so I did judge just a little. My mistake. So now I'm told to back off by his friend. I didn't think I was smothering. Jesus.
So, now I sit and wait. In the meantime, I have asked him and his friend to redo my bathrooms. I'm thinking it may be a bad idea right now. How do I get out of this? Maybe it will all work itself out. I'm me. I'm nosey. It's who I am. I'm just guessing he is not the one who can handle me. I'm outspoken. I haven't always been. But I had a fabulous husband, father and best friend. I'd give anything to have him back. ANYTHING! But the reality is, he won't. So here I sit with no husband, no father for my children and no best friend. I want that again. I know what I want and I guess that is what I am looking for whether I know it or not. I tell myself I'm looking for fun and sex, but in reality I'm hoping that fun and sex leads to more. And how can I expect someone to come into this life of mine and take over? I can't. It's way too overwhelming. Three kids, a widow and this life. lol.
This is a game I want no part of... Why can't life be more simple? Black and white. Yes and no. Off or on.
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