I'd like to know how one can visit "The Happiest Place on Earth" and not feel so happy. We just got back from Disney World with my mom, aunts and cousins. I'm not sure if was the amount of people in our group or the grief, but I just didn't have the magical feeling. Yes, I had fun, but not super fun. I LOVE Disney. It just wasn't the same this time. Nothing to get psyched over. I feel like all of my funness (is that a word?) was taken when Brian died. We did have a good time though. The kids were the priority. I have to thank my mother for the distraction from Halloween at home. Halloween was a bigger holiday for our family than Thanksgiving. We would always have people over to a pumpkin carving night. It was a big toodoo. But now, those days are gone. The kids started talking about Christmas today. I explained that it would be different this year. They asked questions about who would put up the tree, etc. It was always something Brian and the kids did. They helped him assemble the fake tree. I hate change.
Brian's mother has invited us to Thanksgiving dinner, along with my parents. I'm wondering if my mother would go, for me. My MIL invited my parents too. It would help me alot in making a decision of whose house to go to. I know they will always be in my life, but I would really like to be with my family. Can I have it all? These are the decisions I will have to make. Forever...
So after I made my last post, the following day I get another drunk text from J asking for, well, you know. I asked him if he could still give me what I wanted. He said yes for that night, but not sure on any other night. I told him to take a hike. Ok, so if I would have had a sitter, I would have been in the car in a heartbeat, but I didn't. I texted him on Halloween wishing him a good one. He responded, so I guess he's not too upset. At least I'm angry at him now. The anger makes me think twice. Meanwhile another friend, P, that I have been in contact with thought I wanted something more. I explained I didn't, but just like having a guy to talk to. He's divorced with a three year old. It's not quite the same, but similar. We listen to each other rant about things. It's nice. I have no attraction to him what-so-ever. He's just a nice guy.
The girls and I are going to a Hopice "reunion" from the kids summer camp this weekend. I get to meet other parents too. Not sure how I feel about that, but it's only 2 hours. I can do it. The kids are excited to see thier camper friends. I'm glad they made the best of the situation.
I have so much paperwork to go through. I'm a little behind in it. I feel like I'm drowning. I can't even tread water at this point. I just want to put my head in the sand and pretend the world doesn't exist. My bed being the sand. lol. Speaking of, I'd better call it a night.
